Kingdom Fail
by Aquaflame68
Summary: What happens when MS and AF are the only hope left for humanity in Kingdom Hearts? Well... you'll soon see that there two heroins are just as good as Sora...if not spazzier. ALERT: SPOILERS. People who know the AF MS stories, this should please you.
1. Snow White's Platform

The girl woke in darkness. She was on a platform, high above the ground. However, she had no fear. She was known for her wisdom and quiet (ha) nature back home. Normally though, she would be screaming and running about as if she were a chicken with her head cut off. However, she was not afraid for some strange reason. A voice echoed in her head.

_Thinking of you, wherever you are. We pray for our sorrows to end-_

"Get the hell out of my head!" She yelled suddenly, breaking the quiet. As the silence was broken, the darkness that was the floor shattered, revealing a lovely glass window. Snow White sat contently, the jolly seven dwarves surrounding her in little bubbles of their own. The girl looked down, her large eyes widening.

"Whoa..."

She bent down to let her fingers graze over the cool surface, her dirty blonde ponytail falling over her shoulder. Suddenly, a more disruptive, hollowing broke the calm. Something was coming. She got into fighting position (God only knows how she did THAT), preparing for the worst. She looked around, trying to pinpoint the exact location of this disturbance. She was not prepared, however, to have it drop on her from the sky. Another girl landed with a thud on top of the blonde, and sat up, rubbing her brunette locks.

"Oww…" she moaned.

She suddenly noticed the girl she was squishing underneath her. She stood quickly, brushing herself off.

"Uh…sorry." The brunette muttered, then saw the glass. "Whoa…"

The blonde stood, also brushing herself off. She muttered under her breath as she pulled herself back together after the heart attack of her life.

"…get no respect."

_There are many worlds, but they share the same sky- one sky, one destiny._

The voices were back. The two girls looked around sketchily, before finally recognizing one another in the smothering darkness.

"MS?" The brunette asked tentatively.

"AF?" The blonde replied.

Upon realizing that the two knew each other from wherever the hell they were from, they did a video game high five greeting, filled with background music and joy. Think Pokémon and you'll understand. The two then looked around warily.

"Where are we?" MS asked.

"I have no idea…are we in a crack dream again?"

MS shrugged and the two began to hunt about the small space they had for any sign of where they were. Suddenly, AF stepped onto Snow White's face, and three platforms arose from nowhere. MS and AF screamed at the same time, AF diving behind MS for cover. Seeing that there was no danger, MS shoved AF away in disgust and approached the pedestals. AF followed close behind.

The pedestals were a deep blue, and had a cartoonish look about them. On the first pedestal sat a wooden wand, a blue flame flickering on the edge. The second held a shovel, shining out into the darkness. The third contained an epic sword of epic proportions, blazing with glory and the promise of god moder game play.

Of course, our two companions were immediately drawn to the items. Af squeed at the wand and rushed over.

"ZOMG! It's on fire!" She snatched it up, and the voice returned.

_You have chosen the way of the mage…is that your final answer?_

"Yes Regis!" She responded, holding the wand close to her. With a yelp, she was lit on fire…but it stopped hurting almost instantly. She was now on fire, yet made out of water. Oh the joys of mage-hood.

MS was drawn to the second pedestal, grabbing the shovel with reverence. The voice resounded through her head once more.

_You have chosen the way of the warrior…is that your final answer?_

Now MS had a problem with 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'. In Sophomore year, AF had stolen all her smarts you see and all those hard questions made her frustrated.

"Yes, it's my final answer! Now go away Regis!"

She felt herself bend and twist, and suddenly she saw herself reflected in the mirror-like surface of the stained glass. She had turned into a shovel herself!

"Sweet!" She crowed.

_Whatever. But now you must give something up…_

The two stared at the epic sword, the grinned from ear to ear. They both pointed at the sword at the same time.

"It's gotta go!"

_But…but that's the noob sword-_

"Fuck Regis! We're not noobs!" Declared AF.

_But you've never played the game before-_

"Shut up! We can make our own decisions! Haven't you ever heard of transcendentalism?!"

_..no…_

"Just because you have nice hair, doesn't mean you have a brain! So don't tell us what to do!" MS spazzed.

_Whatever. Don't say I didn't warn you…_

The voice was gone, and beautiful stained glass stairs appeared, leading up to above. The two girls looked at each other with anticipation. Whatever was going to happen, it was going to be pwnsome.

NOTE

MS, not sure if you've ever played Kingdom Hearts…REGIS! Lol he puts up with so much shit from me! This fanfiction is being made while going through a walkthrough, so it contains spoilers and maybe hints on how to beat the game! So, just a warning. Oh and there's Disney yaoi. Don't say you weren't warned.

~AF


	2. Cinderella's Platform

AF and MS bounded up the stairs wildly, looking forward to their next free gift. Free stuff always made them happy, as it did to every other normal human being. They arrived at the next platform, and the darkness lifted once more to reveal Cinderella this time, in all her ball gown finery.

AF raised an eyebrow. She had a problem with Cinderella. She had this distinct belief that instead of obeying her stepsisters, she should have beaten them to death with a broom or something. Or maybe get all those animal friends to attack them or something. But yeah.

As they arrived, they waited with outstretched hands for the next bunch of free goodies. However, they were suddenly surrounded by shadows! The shadows popped out of the ground and formed strange creatures with antennas, and little black feet.  
The two looked around for some hidden camera, obviously worried.

"Oh god!" AF cried. "We're gonna die!"

MS held out a hand to one. "Maybe they're friendly."

This proved to be false once it bit her…hard. MS screamed and hopped away. She glanced down at a sudden movement at the bottom of the platform. There were strange boxes below them, with a green bar going across each one. The one labeled 'MS' had dropped slightly, and her metallic face grew pale as she realized what had just happened.

"CRAP! MY HP!"

Then, they pounced. AF screamed and shoved her hands over her head.

"Anywhere but the face!"

However, the impact she had been expecting never came. She glanced up out of one eye to see two of the shadow creatures being burned to a crisp, the flames covering her body acting as a shield to burn any creature that came near. They fell into dust at her feet.

"Cool!"

MS, however, was busy. She swatted one over the head with her own, creating a head butt effect. Only with metal, which, I assume, is painful. With a poof, the shadow disappeared, and little balls of light suddenly burst out of it.

"Zomg!" Cried MS with glee. "They're like piñatas! Hey AF! Loo-"

She broke off her sentence when she saw AF smearing the shadow creature's remains (their ashes) on her face like war paint.

"…what the fuck are you doing?"

She looked up, and smiled broadly.

"Don't I look badass?"

"…no…not at all." MS shook her head. This was one of the rare moments of role reversal. When AF was being laughed at for doing something stupid, which NEVER happens (XD).

With a sad sigh, AF wiped the ashes from her face, and saw the orbs of light. Her eyes widened as she bent down, picking one up. As she did, the whole lot of them suddenly swirled around her and entered her body.

"RAPE!" She screamed, covering herself desperately.

MS looked a bit scared of this strange world. I mean, who wouldn't be? Regis haunted your thoughts, Orbs of different colored light violated you…this was not a pleasant place. And yet, more stairs appeared. AF was still shivering as MS hopped toward the stairs.

"More stairs?" MS whined. "I wasn't made to exercise!"

AF rolled her eyes and smacked MS over the head.

"Shut up…the rape victim says let's go."

Who could argue with that logic? And so, the next stage was ahead. Who knows where the mysterious stairs will take them? Well, Regis does. But he doesn't want to talk right now.


	3. Three Hearts Platform

They arrived at the next platform without any worry, and were all prepared to fight the next onslaught of shadows. However, what they saw before them, was nothing but a door. There was no darkness this time. Perhaps the artists had gotten lazy? The stained glass revealed three hearts, and somehow that just didn't fit with the whole princess theme.

MS approached the door, but found it was locked.

"…There are no more stairs, and this door is locked." She stated.

"That's great. Now how are we supposed to get out of here?"

A thud behind them caused them both to turn with alarm? Were the creatures back? Their fears were unfounded. What they saw was a treasure chest that had just magically appeared. With a cry of joy, the two abandoned their worries at the idea of more free stuff! With much eager shoving and wondering, the chest was opened.

"It's…it's empty…" AF sighed, hoping for at least a bit of Midol or something.

One more thud followed, and the two went back into whirling action, hoping and praying for more free stuff. Once again, they were disappointed. There was a large crate in the middle of the floor, and with a cry of rage, AF hit it with her fist. It shot across the platform, and burst into flames, dumping out more shining baubles. They surrounded AF once more, and with a scream, she began to run around the platform.

"DOES NOT WANT! DOES NOT WANT!" She cried.

As MS always did, she ignored her friend. A seal had disappeared on the door, and MS realized what needed to be done. A barrel stood innocently in the corner of the circle (talk about an oxymoron). MS wandered over, and flipped it with her head, which now resembled a shovel. It flew to the other side of the circle, the final seal on the door fading away.

AF ran by once more, in a blind panic.

"RAPE! RAPE!" She screamed, still being followed by the items. They were smart though, and much more in shape than AF. They caught up, and once more entered her body as tears of horror rolled down her flaming face. Yes, her face was also on fire.

MS pulled out the game manual from her pocket and handed it to AF.

"That's supposed to happen." She said flatly.

AF flipped through the manual, reading it to herself. Realizing the error she had made, she threw it back at MS with anger.

"BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS!"

"…" MS blinked at her for a moment before turning back to the door. She examined it once more, and this time is swung open. It seemed they had only one choice. The two stared at each other, nodded, then plunged into the darkness of the doorway, praying that no more rape would be done.

NOTE  
these things are so damn short! Sorry! I'm doing the chapters by stages, that way it will be like each time they advance, or save, they start a new section. They may be short, but I'm doing the best I can! Review if you want to be in the story!  
~AF


	4. Level Difficulty Stage

The door dropped our two heroines (not drugs, but close) onto a wooden surface. How could they tell it was made of wood? Because MS got a splinter on contact.

"GAH!" screamed the garden tool, writhing in pain.

_Ha ha!_

"Shut the hell UP Regis!" She cried back at Regis.

AF stared blankly at her friend, then glanced around at the new surroundings. The blackness was gone, replaced by shimmering sunlight. In the light, she could see three semi-familiar faces staring at MS with unconcealed amusement. Who could it be but Sarah Brightman, Helen Keller, and Steve Bob McSteve! (Well, Helen Keller can't stare because she's blind…so her head was facing in MS's general direction.)

"Gargle gargle snrck?" asked Helen Keller.

"Is she okay?" asked Sarah Brightman.

Who knew Sarah Brightman spoke Helen Keller? You learn something new every day.

AF shrugged. "Sometimes, I have my doubts."

"LOLZ! I GOTZ IT!" Cried Steve Bob McSteve.

He drew a surgical instrument from his pants (o.o don't ask how it got there.) and grabbed MS's hand.

"ZOMG! WE MUST AMPUTATE!"

MS started crying while flailing, a feat that should not be attempted at home. You could hit someone and knock their glasses off…trust me. With a roll of her on fire eyes, AF swooped in and incinerated the splinter.

"Aw…" Steve moaned in disappointment, returning to his old position by a tree. Yes, what supported this strange, floating wooden porch were trees. Big ones at that. Somehow, the whole setting seemed oddly familiar. But AF and MS just couldn't seem to recall where they had seen it before.

The two blinked at the three figures who blinked back at them with expectation. Well…not Helen Keller. Cuz she's blind.

"Um…hey?" AF said, greeting Sarah Brightman first.

"You are walking through a forest. What time of day is it? Dawn, afternoon, or night?"

"Randooomm." Sang MS.

"Um…afternoon?" guessed AF.

Sarah Brightman didn't reply. MS shrugged, then skipped over to Helen Keller.

"What are we supposed to be doing?"

Helen Keller didn't answer. Not that she could. She can't hear.

"…" MS stared blankly, then poked Helen Keller.

"UGAAHH!!" She screamed, flinching.

MS giggled. Sure it may seem cruel, but Helen is dead. DEAD. And I'm sure that she'll haunt me in the afterlife or whatever…not that I'm worried. It's not like she could see me.

Helen Keller regained her composure, and cleared her throught.

"Ugah meh meh meh meh loooopppppppppasf? Hck, adjfh, fg gsdiogys?" She asked, her face completely serious, unlike yours, my dear reader, who is probably rolling about in convulsions of laughter.

MS stared for a moment, then glanced over at AF.

"Uh….what'd she say?"  
AF shrugged, equally confused.

"I dunno. I don't speak Helen Keller." She turned to Sarah Brightman. "Yo, Sarah Blindman. Translate."  
However, Sarah Brightman stayed dumb, but at least she wasn't dumb, blind, and deaf! Oh, it's just too easy to mock Helen Keller…

Now, AF was annoyed. She didn't have her Midol, she had been violated twice by shining orbs of right that slightly reminded her of the annoying fairy from Legend of Zelda which made her feel even worse! Oh, and did I mention she had 0 tolerance for annoying people? She curled her flaming hand into a fist, and with a powerful swing, she punched out Helen Keller.

"HOLY CRAP!" MS cried. "You punched Helen Keller!"

AF nodded proudly.

"Oh you are SO going to hell!"

AF nodded proudly once more.

"I'm Jewish. Doesn't matter."

"Oh yeah…"

Helen Keller gave a thumbs up from her position on the ground. Her head was bleeding…pretty badly.

"Does that mean she's okay?"

"HOLY SHIT I'M CURED!!!!" Helen screamed with joy.

AF and MS's eyes widened.

"Uh…."

"I'M CURED!" Helen Keller had no volume control… "I'M CURED!"

"…"

With a swift kick from MS, she was back out of commission.

"Glargle spuck."

_That means fuck you._

"SHUT IT REGIS!"

Finally, it was time to interact with Steve Bob McSteve. He grinned widely as the two approached him, but he was missing a few teeth from his misadventures through previous fanfictions so he looked kind of like a messed up jack o lantern. Creeeppyyy.

"Ok Steve Bob McSteve. What random shit do you have for us?" AF sighed. She was already regretting ever eating ice cream before going to bed. This crack dream was just too much.

"...What is the air speed velocity of a swallow?" He asked.

"…Really? REALLY?" MS yelled. Monty Python was not a familiar topic to her. However, AF knew this part by heart.

"African or European?"

"I…I don't know!" Steve cried with desperation. A sudden wind grabbed him and hurled him down into whatever the hell was below the wooden platform.

"…uh…now what?" MS asked.

AF shrugged. "YO! REGIS!"

_Oh, so now you want to talk to me._

"What do we do now?"

_Like I'm gonna tell you assholes!_

"Tell us you has been!"

_Ouch…Do you know how much that hurts inside?_

"I don't care. What the hell are we gonna do now?"

_Well, I'm supposed to ask you-_

"THEN ASK US!"

_Fine. Are you ready to begin your adventure?_

"...We guess?"

_Is that your final answ-_

"YES!" Screamed MS in annoyance. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!"

_You don't have to yell at me! _

The scenery began to change, and they found themselves falling back into darkness, and they began to regret ever having answered the damn question.


End file.
